By Stephanie Watson, MAMFC
“Then Gideon said to God, ‘If you will save Israel by my hand, as you have said, behold, I am laying a fleece of wool on the threshing floor. If there is dew on the fleece alone, and it is dry on all the ground, then I shall know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you have said.’ And it was so. When he rose early the next morning and squeezed the fleece, he wrung enough dew from the fleece to fill a bowl with water. Then Gideon said to God, ‘Let not your anger burn against me; let me speak just once more. Please let me test just once more with the fleece. Please let it be dry on the fleece only, and on all the ground let there be dew.’ And God did so that night; and it was dry on the fleece only, and on all the ground there was dew.” Judges 6:36-40 ESV
Do you sometimes feel like times of discerning God’s direction for your family or your church is a gut-wrenching process? Raise your hand if this is you. Especially when God calls us to things that are outside our comfort zone, that require big leaps of faith, and things that can be major transitions: discerning if God is calling you to a new place to serve (in your church, community, or another church), to adoption or foster care, to lead a new group, to talk to your neighbor about Jesus, etc. If you’re like me, you seek the pages of Scripture for direction, seek the Lord in prayer, have many conversations with your husband, research, talk to wise friends, ask the Lord to make His way SO clear that you can’t help but follow it. Sometimes this season of time involves 3 am wake-ups and stomach churning with anxiety and fear of what lies ahead. I recognize and acknowledge that our God is a God of love, peace, and comfort. In light of that, in times of discerning, I have to be very conscious of who God is – not my own fears and worries. An honest question that I always ask myself is “Am I being fearful or is this discernment?” When we are in seasons like these it always makes me think of the story of Gideon in Judges.
The Jesus Bible explains it like this. “Gideon put God to the test. Gideon, by placing a fleece on the floor, took matters into his own hands and showed that he did not fully trust God. God had already told him that he would fight on behalf of his people. Gideon’s practice, however, confirmed that he was reluctant to simply take God at his word. The tangible symbol of the wet fleece was a secondary sign of God’s faithfulness to confirm his word to the leader he had chosen.” (The Jesus Bible, 353)
Being mindful of Gideon’s story, I find that I want to be chosen by God and hear His voice clearly, but I don’t want to question God or put Him to the test as Gideon did. I think the difficult thing is that many times we struggle to hear God’s voice clearly, because we haven’t had an experience like Gideon: experienced moments where the angel of Lord appeared to us and engaged in a conversation as in the story of Gideon (Judges 6:11-27). What we do have is the Holy Spirit dwelling within us, the written Word of God, and direct access to the Lord in prayer. We must learn how to pause, listen, and stay in step with God in a world filled with noise.
I will admit early in our marriage (especially before children were born) it was much easier for us to take the big leaps of faith, and big moves to a new place. I find that it becomes much more difficult when you have older children or teenagers with deep friendships and a fairly new sense of community. While you are seeking God’s clear direction and battling your own desires, you are trying to put on a brave face with your children to shepherd them well through that season. You desire them to know the Lord deeply, and for your experiences within the church to draw them closer to the Lord instead of pushing them away. It is always best to follow the Lord in obedience, and while life will not be free of difficulty and hard emotion, there is peace in knowing that you are in the center of God’s will. In the very practical, you are also modeling obedience for your children.
While we might understand Gideon’s response, a better model is found in the New Testament. In Luke 22, we see Jesus just before His arrest. He went to the Mount of Olives to pray. God was calling Him to make the ultimate sacrifice, and we see Jesus with a very honest response to His Father. Jesus’ says, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” Scripture continues to share that Jesus was in agony, and that he prayed more earnestly. In this time, an angel from heaven appeared strengthening Him. As we seek to follow Jesus and be more like Him, this is the model that I want to follow. Jesus sought the Lord in prayer, He expressed honest emotion, He shared His desire, and His response was “Not my will, but Yours, be done.”
If you are in a season like this, I challenge you to seek the Lord first, be honest with Him about your thoughts, concerns, and emotions, and be willing to surrender to His will. Share your heart with your husband, and ask him to partner with you in prayer. Enlist trusted friends to pray for you and speak into your life. If you aren’t quite ready to share your thoughts with another person (or in addition to sharing), journaling is a great resource. The act of processing your thoughts and story on paper can help gain insight, sort out thoughts and emotions, and provide a great deal of encouragement in the future. It also chronicles your testimony of God’s faithfulness. I know that some of you are in deep waters, and looking for the Lord to show up. Look for Him. He’s there. I promise.
Praying for you this week to receive God’s grace and to walk in peace.